my life is not my own

My life is not my own. I’ve been bought with a price. I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. (Galatians 2:20, Colossians 3:3)

My flesh cries out, “Enough already. No more people. No more hurt. No more questions. No more emails, texts, messages, meetings, phone calls. No more offense. No more stress.”

God whispers, “My grace is sufficient, My power is perfect in your weakness.” (2 Corinthians 12:9)

God says, “Be broken. The world doesn’t like it, but I like it. Be dependent, you cannot do this life without Me. Be fragile, I am not angry at you for holding your breath, but you don’t have to hold your breath. I have you.”

God reminds me… Love costs. Jesus died, it cost Him his life to love you. When you love others in My name, it will cost you too. You have considered the cost. You have weighed the cost.

Remember the example of Paul in 2 Corinthians 12:14-15.  Don’t pursue the stuff of others, pursue the people. Most gladly spend and be spent for the souls of others.

The Word teaches me, today is a new day and this day has new mercies. Your strength cannot do this day, but God’s strength in you can.

My flesh says, “why did you choose me? My life is hard, I’m tired, I don’t feel like making another decision or praying for anything else. I’m inadequate for the task to which I am called. Can’t someone else do this life? I am happy to bow out and disappear.”

Dear daughter, when you died to yourself, I really started to live in you. It’s not about you anymore, it’s about Me. Quit asking why and how, and trust Me.

Everything about your journey comes down to one question, “will you trust me?”

My mind argues, “look man, I am incapable of loving like YOU to people who think I am stupid, incompetent and annoying. I am tired and I don’t want to care anymore. I don’t know how to delegate anything else. I don’t like leading and I don’t feel I do a good job.”

But then my soul cries, “help me Jesus, I want to obey You. I want to want to love even if people hate me, talk behind my back, or misunderstand me. I want to want to give everything to You every day of my life when it costs me everything. I want to want to be broken and raw and transparent even if people think bad of me. I want to want to serve You. I want to want you more than anything this world can give me.”

“For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” – 2 Corinthians 12:10

Today is a new day, a day the Lord has made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it.

The kids need to learn math today. Two hours of math is good and God has given me those hours to give away to them. Help me give it joyfully.

A co-worker needs data that I need to look up. I have the ability to look it up and God will lead me to the best decision in response to the questions. My choice is to respond with a joyful heart or a foul heart.

Friends text with pain and hurt to share. The choice is will I blow them off or will I go with them to the throne of Jesus. God is giving me the privilege to pray with others, to come with them to Him. He’s keeping me desperate as He is the only One with solutions to their problems.

The emails and messages never stop. God gives grace to take one after the other. He tells me what to say or not say. My brain can’t handle all the data that comes my way. He’s got to equip me for every good work. With every correspondence, He’s teaching me to hold on to Him.

A meal needs to be created tonight. He shows me how to make lasagna out of the handful of ingredients we do have. I don’t have to worry about what we don’t have because what we have is always enough.

Every day, I am His child. He’s chosen me and only He will equip me. My competency comes from Him. He’s placed me in positions that are way above what I can do, so He’s sure to get the glory.

It’s obvious to the world that I can’t do my life. So it has to be something greater, something bigger than me. My life is only possible through the power of Jesus.

The dying to myself so Christ lives in me is a daily thing. I don’t have it all figured out. I’m not super human, nor am I crazy. But I am chosen and I have a little time to make an impact in the Kingdom. The passion is Jesus and if anyone loves me, they really love the Jesus in me.

Because me, well I’m a bloody mess. If it’s about me, I am throwing my phone out the window. I’m never talking to another soul. No one is getting another hug. I’m not going to stay up late to listen. I wouldn’t pray all through the day. My front door will be locked. And no more coffee will be shared. I will be alone and I won’t care. I will say all kinds of nasty. My heart won’t consider what breaks yours. I won’t sacrifice any more time, stuff, emotions. My life will be my own and I won’t ever consider how another person feels, thinks or what they may need.  I won’t answer another text, email, message or phone call. Seriously, that’s the yuck of who I really am without Jesus.

SO, today, I’m super thankful my flesh doesn’t rule me. My life may be challenging, but it’s amazing. Every day people trust enough to share their hearts with me and my gift is to pray for them, grab their hand and run them to Jesus.

My strength is insufficient, but my King is all sufficient. Amazingly, by grace alone, He lives in me and chooses to use me, when He knows I am weak, broken and selfish. Why He chose me as one of His children, I will never understand. I will never deserve Him or this life He has given me.

In some kind of only God way, He teaches me to love when it’s hard to love, when I’m tired and when people don’t love me back. He teaches me it’s never about me anyway. My life is about Him and I only exist for Him.

Because of who He is, I surrender to this insane roller coaster and I don’t jump off. How could I ever survive without Him anyway?? The calling is sure and the adventure is real.  The ride is a thrill. Sure, I get terrified, I close my eyes and hold my breath. Sometimes it’s slow and smooth and then an unexpected curve feels like it’s going to throw me into another planet, but the ride keeps going and I am ok. Would I really enjoy what my flesh tries to get me to believe that I want? Every day I see Jesus work, I hear His voice, I can read His word, I see His creation, I’m exposed to my sin and He takes me a little farther on an amazing journey that I can gratefully call – my life.

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *